Checklist Advice From the Very Best

My dearest Santa, I’m a long-time believer but first-time writer to you. This is not the conventional letter. You see, I am writing to get some advice about lists. With all the goings on and the busyness of life yesterday I wrote down five things to do this morning that I’ve been putting off and forgetting, whether convenient or not until after business hours, or it’s too late to start, etc.

He’s making a list and checking it twice was on the radio yesterday as an anthem to you and your prowess at keeping all the kids across the world straight so I thought list was the appropriate way to go, check them off, and put them behind me. My piddly remove trailer from NL Services, remove trailer from insurance, call doctors office (for the third time) to get the portal set up, package the Starlink and return via Fedex, and order some books, didn’t seem that daunting. My list was added to the pink sticky note and laid on my laptop for bright and early this morning.

I got a head start on it, first by going into NL Services Online and it was a 24/7 operation. But the details weren’t correct from the trailer buyer, and I had to look up the postal code for her address. That was just a tiny glitch. Figured it out and got an email from NL Services Online that the trailer was removed. Now for the morning, I only had four things. How hard could it be, Santa?

The insurance company had an app as well but I wasn’t falling for that twenty minute q&a session with Janet the chatbot a second time. She lured me down a rabbit hole only to tell me that I had to call. So, Janet basically lied when she said all services could be done online. However, a nice lady from NL did answer promptly when I called and took care of the matter in short order. This time I wasn’t getting caught with Janet again, but she was prompt in saying to call. I guess Janet learned a lesson from our last encounter. That is not checked off yet though because of the next item I tackled on the list. Santa, how do you do it when things go wrong?

I called the doctors office and lo and behold the email that I had called about for two weeks finally arrived. Third time lucky, I guess. It was easy. Just click the link and enroll. So, I did. I got a host of questions, the second one was automatically populated with the correct email address but I got an error saying it was already registered. Which I can safely say it was not because if I don’t do the registering, it doesn’t get registered, just saying. I called the office back and the lady told me just to click on the help button and get it resolved. For ten minutes I looked for the help button, clicked every place on the site and not a helper to be seen. I found a toll-free number which I called and there was another Janet who lured me through a dozen menu options and finally disposed of me with a hang up without resolution. I started again and clicked some more and found a random page which allowed me to enter information and it is in the Janetverse somewhere waiting for somebody to take pity on me. Tell me Santa, if they don’t get back to me, do you put Janet on the Naughty list?

My frustration level was rising now so I printed off the Starlink return label for the courier from the third reminder email and readied the box. I had to schedule a pick-up. Well now Santa, if I had to call the North Pole and asked you to pick it up and drop it off in California, I think I’d be better off. I’m not insensitive to the plight of the carriers but Starlink don’t really show mercy when they give you ten days to return the bad equipment or be charged. (Another few people for your naughty list I do believe). But I digress.

I went online to schedule a pick up. IMPOSSIBLE, yes all capitalized for a reason. After twenty minutes of the site telling me I had to pay like $600 on a pre-shipped label and fill out a custom’s form I gave up when Janet said she couldn’t help me and that I really should speak to an agent. Thanks Janet, at least give me a number or connect me. No, nothing like that so Janet should be bolded on your naughty list. I found a 1800 number through some sleuthing and connected with another Janet who finally allowed me to speak to an agent. That poor fellow was patient and kind but couldn’t help. He talked to me for about fifteen minutes, collected all the details, twice, but then he tried to schedule a pickup. It was in vain, only to tell me to call back the next day and see if he could get me on a list. Oh Starlink, do you understand these troubles. Please show mercy.

Then I looked online again for places to drop it off. I was pointed to a pit at Kent’s in CBS. Then I said to myself, I wonder does Kent take the packages. I called and a nice lady said sure, drop it off here and don’t worry about it. She is going on the nice list, eh Santa. Let’s just put everyone there on the nice list, please.

Forty-five minutes later, I’m at item number three. That was easy. Took about two minutes. Sylvia was pleasant and took my book order. She definitely gets on the nice list. Don’t forget her Santa.

Item number four was also easy, took about ten minutes and the insurance company guy, Jeff, he should make the nice list as well. I got a few discounts when he reviewed my file since he had me on the line. Nice list please. Only a suggestion though Santa since you are the authority.

I guess, Santa, I worked my way through the problems, tested my patience to the highest limits, and have all but one item fully checked (and scratched and crossed out and gouged) since I’m waiting on Naughty-list-Janet to get back to me with the medical portal details. It’s out of my hands now but I managed to get through it on my own. That was only five things. Santa, how do you do it with the millions you get? Hero worship here.

If I’m not too old for a Christmas wish and since I never really bothered you before, please bring Janet a book to properly educate her in checklist etiquette. That will make me and many others very happy.

Merry Christmas Santa. Keep on doing what you do. You are a bright light in the darkening world and I, for one, appreciate you. Thanks for letting me vent.